Good News ! Or is it ?

So what happened these last 4 years ! Few ups and lots of downs if you ask me but that is just my pessimistic view.. Like all couples, R and me finally decided to expand our family but it was not all hunky dory. I guess in India a couple's life revolves around just one question 'When are you giving us the good news' ? I want to ask all the nosy uncles, aunties , extended family, friends and my house help - Isn't my happy relationship good news to all of you ? In fact why India, worldwide women are measured only on the basis of their marital status and their ability to reproduce. Rest doesn't matter

We weren't spared either. Family functions became painful, friends became alienated when they popped out their babies , relatives started getting peskier. The only saving grace was our folks who kinda respected our privacy. Else I would like have turned cuckoo by now. There were hints and advices thrown at us - visit this doctor, go to A, B,C temple, pray, fast and what not.... Somewhere the race caught on to both of us and in middle -R and me had catastrophic fights on this. His patience grew thin and my anxiety grew high. A loss in the family added on to it and precipitated the issue. Month on month we would wait eagerly for the good news but nothing happened. I must admit that it did take a toll on our relationship but we kept the communication lines open. I quote my gynaec here 'In the process of having a baby, don't lose each other. ' I guess we took it seriously. We talked about our priorities and kind of worked around it. I quit my job to reduce my stress levels but now in the hindsight, it was a wrong decision to make. So anyone reading this blog who are yet to get into the baby making business - please be as active as possible else your brain will turn into a devil's workshop in a jiffy. I would sit around the house trying to play the role of perfect home maker. Twiddling my thumbs, my days revolved around Facebook, twitter, and tons of pregnancy websites. Friends kept posting their happy pictures and conversations were only about their babies. Days would look bleak and nights silent... My life was on a complete standstill. I kept postponing all decisions - whether it is travel or shopping or even taking a holiday. Believe it or not - It has been 5 years since R and me took a holiday and boy do i need one now ! Around 2014- 2015, we decided to take a break from all the baby making business and left it to the supreme power. We consciously decided that if it has to happen it will happen no matter what. What we did not stop is regularly visiting our doctors. Those who know me - I am partially atheist and so is R. So our faith in science is equal to faith in God and religion. Around the same time last year, we shifted into our own house and in a month - Our lives turned topsy turvy.....

So today is the D-day - Inagurating my blog after 4 years again. So what made me stop writing ? Laziness, Work, No fresh thoughts - actually a whole lot of things which I will reveal in my subsequent posts to come. I promise to write juicy stuff and no boring life changing thoughts !... Lets start this journey with a few lines which I penned last night -

A miracle, I have been chasing
It chose to come at its own timing

I wonder... am I going to be nuturing
to 2 pieces of my heart,,that kept beating

I look up to the sky imagining
Our joyous future...this is just the beginning.....

Last sunday when R and me got extremely bored of watching the idiot box, we decided to watch a movie instead. Checked online for any good movie but got a heart attack instead seeing the prices. Rs 500 for JTJH ! Seriously !

Thats when i started checking out regional movies and 2 movies caught my attention - Thupaaki (Tamil-Vijay starrer) and Sangolli Rayanna (Kannada- Darshan starrer). Hubby showed complete lack of interest in the tamil movie though it was of his fav hero, we went ahead with the Kannada one. Here is what i thought of the movie -

Sangolli Rayanna - 3.5 hrs - Darshan,Jayapradha,Nikitha Thukral.

The movie is about a freedom fighter by name Sangolli Rayanna who was a commander in chief for Kittur army. The queen Rani Chennamma faces a dilemma in which the British are trying to ursurp her throne due to lack of biological heir. How Rani Chennamma and Rayanna wage the freedon war forms the crux of the story.

To start with - The movie has been shot well. Screenplay is excellent. The producers have selected right locations, used different kind of shots and spent time and energy to take each shot. The war sequences have been executed and shot brilliantly something which is extremely rare in Kannada movies. We have seen this kind of camera work in Mungaru Male after which it created a trend. This movie too will create a seperate path for cinematographers. Special kudos to Ramesh Babu - Cinematographer and producer Anand Appugol.

Direction - This is where the movie falls a bit here and there. The director - Naganna in attempt of creating a demi god status for Darshan, has gone out of his way to give him punch dialogues. You can see Darshan doing a la Sunny Deol in every frame. What happens after some time is - you lose interest because of the constant screaming. The director should understand that messages can be given in a subtle manner too and it is absolutely not neccessary to pump fists in air and stomp feet every 2 minutes.

The detailing and costumes of the movie are excellent and adds richness to the frame. The makers have done homework in terms of language and props used in the movie.

Acting - Darshan has done a very good job and lives upto the image of the late freedom fighter. Jayapradha too meets expectations but a special mention has to go to Umashri for playing Rayanna's mother. She lights up the screen and shows tremendous acting skill. A delight to watch indeed !

A noticeable flaw is where the British were depicted.It is comical to make foreigners speak Kannada. This is perhaps the only sore point because it decreased the movie's impact totally. The director and producers should take a cue from Aamir's - Lagaan where foreigners spoke in English and there was a Hindi translation imposed later.

Other actors include Sashikumar, Ramesh Bhat, Srinivas Murthy, Saurav,Avinash, Doddanna do complete justice to their roles.

Songs - Strictly ok but could have been avoided also especially the one which plays at a crucial point in the climax. This song could have been eliminated totally.

Overall - It is a movie which is def worth watching especially with family and children. What is even more appreciable is Kannada movie makers have finally arrived. Apart from the regular masala stuff, movie makers are finally giving due importance to script and are making off beat cinema. I am totally impressed with this change.

PS - The other thing which caught my attention is the narrative at the start and end of the movie. The director adds trivia - one of it is Sangolli Rayanna was born on 15th Aug, 1798 and died on 26th Jan 1831. Both the days are historic in nature - First was when India gained independence and second when India's constitution came into light. It seems when Rayanna was about to be hanged, he made a declaration that the British will flee India at mid night like cowards and just like he said, they did !

It was this thought which made me think and write this huge post ! A def thumbs up for this movie and highly highly recommended.

'Man proposes and God disposes'- How true is this proverb ? Extremely in my case. As my previous posts suggest that i was having a fit on my 30th birthday. Incase you are wondering what did i do on the D-Day, well here it is and nothing short of an adventure

The day began at 12 am when my husband suprised me with a cake lit with magic candles ( for those who don't know R, it is BIG deal for him to make that effort of getting a cake ). The candles were supposed to be magic candles (ones which dont get blowed out) but it blew out immediately. After a good night rest, we were planning on doing something wild. My idea was to do something out of ordinary and really memorable BUT as looked out of the window, the weather was dull and gloomy. I was prancing around waiting for my bai to come and finish all chores. Bai decided to take off stating ill-health as a reason. In between the plan kept on changing and finally at 11am, I decide to get my hair done at a parlour. Just when i was stepping out of the house, clouds thundered and rain gods were at their best. Finally i make it to the parlour only to see my hair done half -heartedly. The only saving grace was my dress from Marks & Spencer which kinda made my day !

I come back home and switch on the TV only to get to know that Cyclone Nilam has hit Karnataka and the next 2 days its going to badger the city. Though it did kind of upset me, i was still ok trying to plan something for the evening. After much ado, we decide to go to a violin concert at Alliance Francaise which is a good 15 kms from my house. We left early inorder to reach the venue ontime but got stuck in heavy traffic for almost 2.5 hrs. By the time i reached the venue, i was wet and shivering desperately waiting for a shawl. The concert caught out attention for sometime and because our stomachs started disturbing the audience, we left hoping to have a quiet romantic dinner. We setlle down for Little Italy which is a fine dine Italian restaurant. With wine glasses clinking, hot pasta and garlic bread, we finally did what we had to - Enjoy our dinner and laugh on all the things gone wrong the whole day.

Though what ever my husband planned for me went wrong, what matters is his thought. It was def the most memorable birthday in an adventurous way ! Thank you R and Here's to the next 30 years......

Finally here it is. The D-Day and i am trying to throw all tantrums but deep inside i don't feel a thing. What has changed? Maybe i will have to find out and then post. So Happy '30' bday for me !

‘This is my last post as a 29 year old girl'.... Wanted to start my post saying this but then it felt too dark. If someone would read this, they would assume that I am no longer in this world. So I am going to beat around the bush and rant about me turning 30 tomorrow. So what is the 'big' deal in turning 30 and why are people around me not making it a 'BIGG' deal. While talking to a close acquaintance I was advised to finally 'Grow up' from today. My question is what am I now? Sitting on my couch, I am reminiscing 29 years of my life. So where do I start from -


Born on 31st Oct 1982 after mom suffered 2 days of labour pains, I was born and the family was overjoyed since I was the first child. Naturally and obviously, the most pampered one till my brother arrived 3 years later and the pampering got divided. I had rather have the most normal family and normal childhood which was full of day-dreaming, summer vacations, class tests and getting beaten up by mom once a day. The whole drama started when I entered the forbidden age - Teenage. Tried unsuccessfully to be a rebel but I had some fun in my own way. Bunked college to watch movies at 7 am in a dingy theatre, eating masala puri from a thela, one day trip outside Bangalore with friends without informing parents, creating extra classes out of nowhere, playing cupid for most of my friends, wearing my brothers clothes to college, having crush (es) on all hot seniors (who turned out be duds later), losing friends phew! What a phase. I can say though it was not all hunky dory but most memorable. Though it’s the most clichéd phrase that college years are best, for me it was!


As I entered my 20’s, I tried to act all grown up unsuccessfully again. Started working right after my graduation and meanwhile met my husband (friend then). Took parents for granted and hardly spent any time with family. Met new friends, made new relationships, kick started my career. Late nights parties, night shifts, office politics, re-thinking career path became the most important thing in my life. Naturally like all Indian parents, folks wanted me to settle down. I still thank god that there was no filmy drama when I revealed about my 'good friend'. To be honest I am still surprised that my parents understood and accepted the matter easily. Maybe they had their reservations but I never got to know. Then came the BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING. This is where life takes a turning.


A new life, new family, new responsibilities on top of it A new city. Maybe I couldn’t digest so many new things so tried to resist as much as possible. In all this I never realized that 29 years of my life had already passed away so soon. Today when I look back, I see a lot of happy n sour moments, mistakes that could have been avoided, to be relationships which could have survived with time, friends who got lost due to lack of my effort to keep in touch, lost family time, guess the list never ends! Can’t I do it now? Of course I can. There would be no earth shaking moment when I turn 30. So while trying to stay optimistic,I would say this is again a new phase of my life which I live without any regrets.


PS - Maybe the only regret I will live is spotting of my 1st grey hair now and I am screaming my lungs out to my mom...

It's one of those days when you feel stuck in a dump and you dont know the reason. What do you do in this case ? If you think i know the answer, then NO. Still searching for it. Watched the idiot box for sometime, read a book, checked FB.. still something is amiss. What is it ? There are times when you seek for answers but do not know what the question is. I don't know how am i going to get through the day with a heavy heart but i have to. No other choice. Will post if i am successful.

After a long hiatus,I decided to open my blog again by glancing through an online shopping site called Shopo.in (http://shopo.in/). Since the theme is ' A Summer Secret ', i started rummaging through all my memories associated with Summer.What is the first thing which strikes as soon as the word 'Summer' is said ? - For some it is hot weather , for boys it means looking at girls in short dresses and for me it means vacations. Let me share a fond memory which i fondly recall now.

Date - March 98

I was in my last year of school and all my friends were preparing for our board exams.We were tensed,excited,nervous and little sad with the thought of our future. Autograph books were exchanged,phone numbers and photographs were given and we made tall promises of keeping in touch till eternity. There was a particular boy whom i am naming as N. He was tall,lanky,silent and brooding types. Though we just said hello at start and end of day, most of the times i used to get paired with him for assignments. N was good at mathematics and science which was a huge pain area for me. On the day of our Science practical exams, I was asked to complete an experiment with H2SO4(sulphuric acid).I tried remembering the steps but was stuck right at the beginning.Images of all possible gods flashed in front of me and i was cursing my fate.As luck would have it,N sneaked into the lab like a knight in shining armour.He slid a small piece of paper and even passed on few tips.Within no time i completed and passed my practicals too.

Its not like we became great friends after this incident but i did ask him why did he take so much of a risk for me? Till date i remember his answer -' Do you remember our fight last year.I felt guilty since then but didn't know how to say sorry.This is my way of saying sorry'. Thanks to N,i passed that dreadful science practicals with decent scores.On the last day of our school,i walked upto him but didn't know what to say.We parted without saying a word but after a few years i met him on a social networking site.

Everytime i see pictures of school graduation day,i remember N - a friend who never had to prove his friendship for me but remains a dear friend till date.
Thankyou Shopo for giving me an excuse to recall this incident -

Guess i couldnt resist posting today since its a leap year and all the radio channels are going ga ga over 20th Feb. Not sure if its special but i just wanted to capture this date

Winter brings in many hidden pleasures.The weather is soothing for a change.One can indulge in all sinful delights.Oct- Dec are my fav months. For a change i can see colleagues in office completely covered :)a stark contrast to their revealing outfits daily.I can really enjoy my cuppa of caffeine everyday without feeling bloated or guilty.Mornings are dewy with light mist,afternoons are breezy best enjoyed with fresh filter coffee and hot pakoras, evenings strolling around lanes and nights indulging in hot chocolate curled up in bed with a nice book.Is it really OTT to say, '' Winters bring out the best in everyone and every thing ''. I don't think so.....

So i am keeping up my promise of updating my blog regularly. Last week has been primarily hectic due to work,social life,personal life UFF ! I don't know how i managed to get past it. Had my friends come over from different states and visit me.A particular incident triggered me to vent it out on my blog. Amongst one group of friends there are 2 people who absolutely hate each other. Both of them cant stand each other and completely ignore when we catch up. However its the rest of the group is getting divided unknowingly. My question to both of them is - Why cant both of you just continue ignoring each other without making it difficult for the rest of the group ?. My loyalties was divided. I know that both of them are right in their own ways.

You do come across so many different people in your life. Can you take all of them seriously?Hell no.. Whats the fun in having similar personality people as your friends. One learns how to be more adaptable,giving and understanding when you meet more people. I wish both of them get the group dynamics right and maintain it well !

Though i was thinking of posting on my trip from a long time, i wanted to do it today just because of the fancy date of 11/11/11. Maybe one day when i am old,i can read my posts and relive this moment.From now onwards i am going to be gloating big time. Goa was beautiful but what was special was my bday. I thought its going to be just another day coz R forgot to wish me in the morning. Me was getting ready to step out and when i came down to the lobby, there was a cake with a lit candle. R with the entire hotel staff sang' Happy Bday song '. I had not celebrated my bday with R like that ever.Second surprise was when we were roaming with P & P in Mumbai - Inorbit Mall, Malad. He gifted me this real cool Casio Sheen watch which just costed around 7 K. I was floored with this but what touched my heart is his want to do things special. After 9 yrs of being together, you do take each other for granted. I just like being loved and being in love.

Atleast this year i have kept up my resolution and tried to blog as much as possible.I see people who post almost everyday and think ' How do they find time '. This post is special because it marks the end of my married/single life.RT is finally moving into a new work time which gives us to live like normal human beings.I have actually forgotten what is like to wake up at 5 am ! I was known to be a early riser and during exams, i used to only remember what i have studied in the morning.Now its exactly opposite.I go to sleep only when half the world is already in their sweet dreams and wake up when people are rushing off to their work.

What prompted this change then ? When i introspect, i realise it was when i started working, my entire routine changed.I juggled between mid afternoon shifts and night shifts and so to speak, my routine also changed.Yesterday me and RT were chatting after a long time on how to manage when we have kids.The discussion went all over and finally we reached a logical conclusion that when we have kids, we will be automatically prepared.So for now i am looking forward to sharing my dinner with RT and who knows i might get lucky with coffee too !...

Its almost September and i feel that the year has just begun.Just a month away before i reach my most coveted birthday.This birthday is extremely special to me because it is my last year in 20's.The first digit will change from 2 to 3 which i dread.This change means adding responsibilities,no more carefree life,no partying with friends and most importantly living a boring life for next 20 yrs.Is it strange only for me or rest of the people who don't have the time to think about it also.Since its a year away,i push all negative thoughts and made a resolution.The next 1 year I will live the way i want to, do things I always wanted to do and most importantly care a damn for anyone else.The only person who will be important to me will be ' ME ' only.

August has been one hell of a crazy month.First had to recover from brother's wedding which literally took a toll on my health and work.Two had to travel again to the ever smouldering city called Chennai.Though it was fun to go places like Cuddalore,Karaikal etc,i cannot help but wonder ' How do people live here '.Inlaws had plans of visiting a Shani temple some where near Karaikal hence had to accompany them.At first look the place seemed pretty interesting.The french influence is very evident.It is fun to visit nondescript towns which has so much of history yet is not commercialized.Looking forward for more such trips

Last month was probably THE most hectic month ! First its my new company and was just getting adjusted to the work when i was asked to travel to Mumbai.I didn't want to go since there were 2 weddings in the house - my brother's & cousin sister's.Every single day had to finish my work in record time and reach mom's house to help in the preparations.It was so tiring and to top it - there was this impending travel.Off late i have developed a dislike towards travelling.Just want to relax and spend time doing nothing.With a heavy heart i left to Mumbai.I discovered that best time pass in any unknown city is to observe people and their lifestyles.Even in my earlier post i had raved about Mumbai.Since wedding shopping was set to happen there,i went on my own discovering the city.I travelled in local trains,eat street food and street shopped till my hearts content.Did spot couple of celebrities also - Milind Soman and a whole lot of TV artistes.What amazed me is the spirit of people ! They travel in packed train compartments for hours,stay in pigeon holed houses,battle rising costs yet live their lives to the fullest.

This week has been a roller coaster ride.Its the week before my brother's wedding and i am in Mumbai on official work.Missing all the fun back home but found time to shop here for the wedding.Mumbai never ceases to amaze me.The people - traffic -noise = chaotic mumbai.You can draw so many parallels from here.You start liking the fast life yet crave for a moment of peace.You complain of traffic and pollution and yet travel faster ( courtesy trains ).I can see people from all parts of India have come to Mumbai and made it their home.Being a south indian ,i can find fellow mates in every second person.Someone has come from Kanpur,Baroda,Chennai,Calcutta.I think that's what makes this city unique from the rest.You have to grin and bear the heat but the warmth of people makes you happy.Though i wish i can stay here for few more days,i am waiting to get back home.....

Seems like its only yesteday when i joined C.Today i am with one of India's leading media company.Things are totally different and cannot relate at all.People,Culture,environment - all different from my previous organizations.I see people coming in everyday being someone they are not.Fake smiles,Fake talks ,Fake language - in all fake everything.What makes them like this ? Do all media professionals have to swear every second word.Do they have to dress differently to stand out in a crowd ? Do they have to smoke non stop to maintain their cool image ? I dont think so.You can be perfectly normal and yet work.People almost take their jobs so seriously and want to draw up an image to fit in.I dont smoke nor drink,wear salwar kameez or jeans to work and have normal conversations with colleagues.I prefer Hindi film music to English but that does not make me any less 'hip' than these guys !.

To each their own is all i would say !

' Change is the only constant thing in the world '- I have heard this zillion times But why is so difficult to accept change !.I have always shuddered at the thought of change - be it work,friends,place anything.When i joined C,i didnt like the place nor the people.It took close to 4-5 months to get adjusted.Surprisingly after a point of time i got so used a set of people ,that every morning i was here at 10 am .People who know me will understand my sacrifice since i wake up at 9 am.It used to be fun having like minded people at work so much that it eases and lightens your day.

CODE WORD - GANG comprising V,R1,R2,B,N and S.I used to work at double speed just to wrap up early.Lunch used to start at 12 noon but not end till 2 pm.V's much awaited one liners-B's strong angry looks when he smells ghee and his 2' * 2' chapatis,R1's complaints about her co worker,R2's flirtatious glances and thoughts,N & S's love story - was a regular day at work.One secret trip changed the equations of many relationships within the group.Everyday post work,we used to secretly catch up at a nearby coffee shop.Deadly fights used to happen over Bhajjis,Rava Idly,PaniPuri and coffee.Night outs ,Attacks on one particular b***** co worker were planned till one day when it changed drastically.N moved back to her place.Others switched companies .
When i entered the office today,had the same feeling of the 1st month.Lunch was with empty chairs in conference room.I constantly look at the door hoping to see someone.A sinking feeling comes up ' Why did things have to end so soon '.What makes me happy is that i found friends whom i can share my thoughts ,laugh and enjoy life.

V - You were instrumental in pulling me out of my shell.I will never forget our till 10pm parking lot talks or 2 am phone calls.Your infectious laughter ,sense of humour kept me going at work & still does .I look forward for our regular thursday meets which is less religious and more fun.One thing which i will cherish all my life is the surpise visit by you and B on my birthday.By far it is one of the best bday's celebrated in entire 28yrs.I am really lucky to have you as my friend and wish that we stay the same for ever

B - Strong,Sensitive,Good looking Bully - - My interaction with you initially was less when compared to others but i can surely say after V,you are the only person whom i can confidently share things.We are so different in our thinking yet share similar values.What i truly appreciate is your sensibility.I will never forget your mid night visit on my bday inspite of your father being sick and rest of the days too ( from panda's house ).I fondly remember the conversations we had over our choices - from music to girls to food ....Not many know that after 8 pm in office - you would turn into a DJ/RJ.

N - Fondly known as Panda - I got to know you much earlier than the rest.You have remained the same ever since.It was fun taking you home each day and was so used to it.Hate driving home alone now ! I miss our little chat sessions on the way and especially hate going to press meets alone.I will never forget our drive on that rainy day with umbrella.Miss your pasta too... Looking forward to the road trip,next time you are in Blore.

S - What can i say about you ? I equate you with my brother on most lines and will always be protective.I will always cherish the mid nigh gyant which i gave to you.What i like in you is your generosity,sense of humour ( though i make fun of it ) and affable quality.Miss all the 2 min talks we used to have in office everyday.

R1 - A good person at heart who doesnt open up easily.We have shared good and bad times and thats what makes me have fond memories of you.Extremely easy to talk,i have learnt so many fashion tips as you may call.I wish one day you become successful in your interest area and do not waste ur inate talent.Sensible,caring AND beautiful - thats how i would describe u

Its a small world and even though we had very short association at work - i am sure our friendship will go a long way.



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Finally i managed to get some time off from work and do what i love the most - Blogging ! .Being a journalist i hardly even get time to read my articles.Recently i came across a book written by some Indian journalist on newsroom.Fortunately i don't work for a news channel which by the way removes all elements of living but working for print medium is equally daunting.Its summer and Bangalore is reeling under 38 degrees but still i have to drive across the city to meet people.Sometimes you meet polite and sensible people ,most of the times not ! Initially i used to compare my previous work to current one and feel sad about not having perks like cabs,food,work etc.Now i have accepted this and sometimes feel nice about it.Especially when you call a trader in Vellore or Nagercoil,there is an innate sense of respect with which they address you.Sometimes i genuinely feel for their problems.It is not easy in India to trade.End of the day i feel happy doing something worthwhile..