This is a very nice mail regarding relationships.Sums up all the things
A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP -by Rev. Ronald McFadden An African proverb
states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you
marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity and ignorance, pressure from others or a
low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open,
and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see
as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves and differences will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual
children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of
you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out
the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you
bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't
take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone
love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy,
neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in
a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication,
intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway
time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared
activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the
voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving
each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to
have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a
sense of belonging and assurances of commitment.
Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation.
Respect his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer
or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will
Erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain.
Replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.