My 35th birthday

So 2017 marks my 35th year of birth or existence.
What's different from all the other birthday is that there is absolutely no plan to celebrate it.Prior marriage my parents would take us out or I would cut a cake. Post marriage my husband took the mantel of taking me out. Turns out most of my birthdays have been memorable whether it's my 25th year where I celebrated as newly wed, 26th year as alone in the world one, 29th birthday which was a surprise one in Goa or my 33rd one which was again a surprise family gathering. That was a special one as I was pregnant with my twins.

But life takes turns to surprise you. What started as the most special day of one's Life becomes mundane and regular. But I am not complaining ! After all I prayed for it to become regular and mundane. I can only count my blessings in the form of my kids who are my best birthday present ever for life..

So I am wishing myself a very happy birthday and I hope I get to see a better and brighter future for me and my loved ones.

Anniversary ; A special one

I look towards sunlight
A dream I see shining bright
Of you and me , standing as we
Never have we felt this right
A tinge of happiness we hold on to tight
As we look towards the sunlight.

Its one year or Is it ??

April 20,2016....

This date holds a lot of memories hostage. My edd was this very date . Maybe my babies would be completely developed by this time or Maybe they wouldn’t. No one knows but the guilty feeling wont go away even if I try to wash it with all gusto. Today would have been their 1st year birthday but God had different plans. Maybe they were to come on Feb 19th and maybe I had to go through what ever was designed for me. Who knows what else lies in store for us. All I can hope is that I am physically and mentally fit to raise two babies and be there for them 24/7. That’s where the real challenge is and begins. Aarohi is already trying to walk holding objects and though she cant but she doesnt stop trying. Angad has started creeping and he keeps following aarohi around. He also has a small tooth showing so in the sense he is first to get teeth. Angad loves to see aarohi and aarohi loves touching angad.Cheers to new beginnings and independent future. Happy birthday my lovelies !!!!

I see so many posts and so many people chronicling their lives as if it is the last day or if they are saving all the memories to relive in future. I wonder how do they find time ! My lo have turned one and I haven't realised it at all. I barely have pictures with them or any decent memories. All my memories will be lugging my son back and forth from hospitals, leaving my daughter and husband staying away. This is definitely not how I pictured my life to be. But it is what it is. I need to be strong to pull away from the situation and try and make most of it. I keep saying this to myself so that one day I will act on it.

I made several plans but didn't see even one through. What I will do definitely from this month onwards is losing weight and making more memories with my children. Situations keep happening and people will continue to be difficult but my little ones wont be so little. Even before I know , they would be grown up and I don't want to miss out on the memories. I have waited long enough for this and if anyone has to do it, its me. Second, is to write more. It always feels cathartic when I pen down a few lines. Here goes -

I am a butterfly caught in a storm,
To fly they say is the norm.
Clipped wings, broken dreams
A future bleak as it may seem
I still soar ahead in all my form
I am a butterfly caught in a storm.